When Life Gives You Lemons
by HappyCookiie
Summary: After a severe session of 'sitting' from Kagome, Inuyasha storms off into the forest and encounters Sesshomaru. The two soon discover Kagome's laptop and find a folder labelled with their names... Warning: Slight Yaoi (mostly insinuated), language. InuSess one-shot


**Author's Corner**

I understand that this would scenario has probably been done to _death, _but I just couldn't help writing this after a conversation with one of my friends about the InuSess pairing and lemons. Thanks to her I now want a shirt that reads "When Life gives you lemons... you read them." Not sure the public would approve of that but hey ho. This fic doesn't really contain any real sexual content, just jokes from characters and heavy referencing. If you don't like the pairing then click the back button now! Enjoy!

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><p><strong>- WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS -<strong>

An Inuyasha and Sesshomaru one-shot

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A particular InuHanyou with a long white mane, clad in red, let out a deep exhausted sigh as he trudged through the forest bordering Edo in the heat of the summer afternoon. The cicadas were out and clicking furiously, the sounds an irritating rhythm pounding in Inuyasha's head as he wandered on barefoot, his twin snowy ears twitching atop his head. He rubbed his nose, still sore from the effects of Kagome's uncontrollable tendency to over-sit him. God she could be so cruel sometimes for a supposedly 'gentle' and 'caring' Miko. Their conversation from earlier was still fresh in his mind, and his confusion still remained.

_*Flashback to earlier that same day*_

_"Inuyasha!?"_

_A girl in her mid teenage years with bouncy raven curls and an angry expression plastered onto her face, stormed over to where her Hanyou friend innocently sat, her skimpy green garment shifting along her thighs as she stomped across the grassy turf__._

_Inuyasha glanced up at her and frowned in disapproval at her clear anger. "What!?" he snapped in an equally aggressive tone matching hers._

_"Have you taken my laptop?" she asked, her frown still in place as she stood looming above his crouched form._

_The irritation flooded from his eyes instantly and confusion replaced it. He cocked his head to the side, "Your... what? The hell is a 'lap top'? Some kind of weird medicinal item for your lap or somethin'? Why the hell would I have taken something like that?"_

_"I don't know!" she shouted, "Why did you take my toothbrush yesterday? What did you want something like that for!?"_

_"I thought it was some kind of weapon from your world! Gee cut me some slack wench! How was I supposed to know it was actually a tool for scratching your back!?"_

_"Well you could've just asked- wait.. did you just say a toothbrush was a tool for scratching your back!?" she shrieked in horror, "That's why it was all bristly and dirty! I brushed my teeth with your back germs!"_

_"Woah chill! They're only teeth! I don't see how a little tool like that would make much of a difference to them! Your world sure does have some weird shit and beliefs-"_

_"SIT!"_

_Inuyasha didn't get the chance to finish his sentence as his face slammed into the ground hard, getting a fine mouthful of grass and dirt. "Hey! What the-"_

_"SIT! SIT SIT SIT!"_

_*End of Flashback*_

Rubbing his pounding temples, Inuyasha carried on walking through the forest and soon found himself in a large clearing filled with colourful flowers. The sickly sweet aromas clouded his nose and drew a rather powerful sneeze that echoed throughout the silence of the vicinity. Several birds tweeted in response to the Hanyou's violent sneeze, and Inuyasha crossed his arms and seated himself down on a soft looking grassy spot on the ground, a frown staining his features.

"That sounded like it hurt, little brother."

Inuyasha's head snapped up at the mocking tone and his frown deepened. Standing across from him on the opposite end of the meadow, was the tall regal form of none other than Sesshomaru, his long silver hair shimmering in the harsh sunlight. Inuyasha snorted and looked away.

"Whatever." he muttered, missing the glint of amusement flicker in the Taiyoukai's eyes.

Sesshomaru shifted his gaze from Inuyasha's tense seated position to an object in the centre of the clearing that was gleaming in the sunlight brightly. It was a funny looking object, black and rectangular in shape, rather foreign looking indeed. It had that girl companion of Inuyasha's scent on it, the one that dressed inappropriately and had a mouth that she really needed to watch. Just like her, this object was too an enigma to the Lord of the West.

"Well?" Inuyasha snapped harshly from across the meadow, "Aren't you gonna try slice me in two whilst my guard's down? Or are you just gonna wait for me to attack first like usual?"

Sesshomaru suppressed the smirk that threatened to flash over his features as he stared at the Hanyou. "And what gives you the impression that I intend to attack you?" he asked calmly.

A loud snort came from Inuyasha as the Hanyou met his gaze and raised an eyebrow, "When do you ever _not _do that!? I'd've thought you'd a made a move already by now though instead of just standin' there dumbly. Is this an off day for you or somethin'?"

"I am merely curious as to what that object is at the centre of the clearing, the object that reeks of your little Miko's scent."

"Huh?" Inuyasha stood up and looked over at the strange black thing a few feet before him and started to walk towards it. He crouched down before it and poked it with the sheathed Tetsusaiga cautiously, ensuring that it wasn't a camouflaged Youkai that would attack if provoked. Just as Sesshomaru had said, it was coated in Kagome's scent, suggesting that it belonged to her. Could this be the mysterious 'laptop' she had accused him of taking earlier? What the hell did it do?

Sesshomaru watched as curiosity flickered through Inuyasha's eyes as the Hanyou reached and patted the object like a puppy would with a toy. After a moment of fiddling, he managed to open the strange object up, revealing a large dark screen and an array of little buttons labelled different letters and numbers. He blinked and began pressing the little buttons wildly, fascinated with the object. One circular button that he pressed lit up suddenly and the once dark screen immediately came to life, lighting up with strange letters and symbols.

The Hanyou yelped loudly in surprise and jumped back, falling on his backside and squashing a few purple flowers in the process. Sesshomaru watched this show of fascination with amusement and made his way over to the lit up object. He came down to Inuyasha's level, resting on one knee, and studied the flickering screen that was filled with odd symbols. When the screen finally calmed down and remained still, Inuyasha scurried closer to it and stared at the small images of paper folders and envelopes, having completely forgotten that Sesshomaru posed a threat to him.

"What do those things say underneath them little folders?" he voiced out loud.

Sesshomaru leaned in closer to see what they said. The folder symbols were marked with male names - Naruto x Sasuke, Dan x Shun.. just a few of the many names. And then his gaze fell upon his own name... His and Inuyasha's.

Having noticed the same thing, Inuyasha pointed to the tiny folder labelled 'Inuyasha x Sesshomaru' and tapped it with his claw. "Hey look, they're our names. What the hell are they doing on here?"

Glancing down at the queer dark square on the bottom of the object, Sesshomaru dragged his clawed finger across it to discover that a tiny arrow moved across the screen at this action. He soon realized that the dark square at the bottom controlled the movement of the tiny arrow, and hovered it over the folder labelled 'Inuyasha x Sesshomaru'. Accidentally, his thumb pressed down on the button below the dark square, and the screen changed. More folders appeared marked with strange titles, all starting with something called 'InuSess'. Repeating the action from before, he hovered the tiny arrow over the first folder and pressed the button he had before, and the screen changed once again. Only this time, there were long paragraphs containing a story of some kind...

"What's all this?" Inuyasha muttered as he read the title of the document out loud, "Let's see.. _Inuyasha and Sesshomaru - Mating Season._"

After a few short paragraphs, Inuyasha's hand covered his mouth in horror. Sesshomaru's eyes widened visibly and his eyebrows shot up on his forehead. A cricket chirped somewhere in the distance, filling the silence that had suddenly fallen. Inuyasha wasn't sure what the hell this twisted perversion was, nor was he sure why the bottom was labelled 'By Kagome Higurashi', but he was sure that whoever was responsible for creating this sick tale was going to pay. What the hell was wrong with them? Never in a million years would he ever, _ever _act upon the contents of that story, and not with _Sesshomaru _of all people! Jesus, the sick bastard would probably slice his genitals in two if such a thing ever occurred.. which it _WOULDN'T._

Taking a quick glance across at his brother, the feared InuYoukai Prince of all the West's eyes were nearly bulging out of his head in sheer disgust. Forget killing whoever was responsible for the creation of such a horror story, Sesshomaru would do much worse than that to them if he ever found them. However, unlike Inuyasha, the pen-name at the bottom was more than enough of a hint that it was the human Miko that had written such an awful piece of literature, and she was not going to get away with this. There had looked to be over fifty other little folders too, implying that there were more of these sick perversions! How dare she! She would not live to write another tale of him and his little brother, he would make sure of that.

He rose to his feet and unsheathed the Bakusaiga, alarming Inuyasha as he recovered from his temporary frozen state. "Where the fuck do you think you're going with that sword out!?" he snapped.

Sesshomaru glared down at the Hanyou menacingly and snarled, "Surely you are not willing to let the human wench get away with stripping you of your dignity... as well as your clothing and virginity in her literature works."

"Woah woah woah, hold the phone!" he stood and waved his hands around, "Just what gives you the idea that Kagome wrote that!? Just 'cause it said her name at the bottom don't mean she's responsible for makin' such a sick story about us!"

His back now turned to the ignorant Hanyou, Sesshomaru snarled again and squeezed the hilt of his sword. "It is not the actual writing of the story that has angered this Sesshomaru so... it is the fact that she would dare say that your genital area could ever hope to rival my own in size." And with that, he stalked off into the forest in the direction of Kaede's village, Kagome's death having become a certainty.

Inuyasha gasped in horror at the dick reference his brother had made, and he scooped up the disgusting object and scurried after Sesshomaru. "Hey wait up you sick bastard!" he called, stopping Sesshomaru in his tracks as he caught up with him. "I got a better idea than you killing her, just hear me out 'kay?"

Sesshomaru raised and eyebrow and slowly sheathed his sword to listen to what the Hanyou had in mind. Perhaps the fool would actually have a decent plan up his sleeves to get his revenge on the little perverse Miko? There was only one way to find out.

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The human Miko from the future sighed and sat down on a sturdy fence outside Kaede's hut, staring up at the sun disappearing behind the mountains and starting to feel the cold of the approaching night. First her laptop had gone missing, and now Inuyasha had stormed off into the forest and not returned. Maybe she had been a little hard on him before for using her toothbrush as a back scratcher, he hadn't known the function of a toilet when she had introduced him to it so she really couldn't blame him for not knowing this. When he returned, she would be sure to apologize to him and make him a nice cup of ramen.

Just as that thought had entered her mind, she saw Inuyasha's scarlet form walking from the forest with none other than her laptop in his arm. So he had taken it after all! Why that dirty lying little... There would be no ramen for him tonight, that was for sure.

Inuyasha strolled over to the grumpy looking schoolgirl casually, a grin on his face, and handed her her laptop. "Look what I found lying on its own in the forest," he smirked, "You should take better care of your stuff Kagome. You never know what kind of demon could get access to all your secrets on there... They could even read the shit in your couple folders.."

She raised an eyebrow at him and eyed her laptop strangely, unsure of just what he was insinuating. And with a few whistles of feigned innocence, he wandered off back in the direction of the forest with his hands clasped behind his head.

"And just where are you strolling off to again?"

He looked over his shoulder and shot her another false innocent look, "I just thought I'd sleep in the Goshinboku tonight, don't really feel like losing my hearing 'cause of some noisy girl's horrified screaming."

"Screaming? Who's going to be doing that?" she asked curiously.

Inuyasha did not answer. He just turned and walked off into the forest, whistling an innocent tune as he hopped up into the highest branches of the Goshinboku, preparing for a very loud feminine scream that would surely be coming soon. He leaned against the hard bark of the tree with his hands behind his head and let a smile slip across his face. Kagome sure was going to get a shock when she opened her folder that had previously been titled 'Inuyasha x Sesshomaru', its new name much more fitting... 'Kagome x Jaken'.

A sudden shift of the branch he was perched on caught his attention, and Inuyasha opened one glinting gold eye to find Sesshomaru sitting beside him, his expression as closed of as ever as his gaze was trained in the direction of Kaede's village. Usually in a situation like this, Inuyasha would have drawn his sword and made an attempt on slicing his brother's head from his shoulders, without success of course, and then Sesshomaru would sink his acid claws into the Hanyou's flesh and poison him for at least three days.

But this time, Inuyasha merely closed his eyes again and leaned back against the trunk of the Sacred God Tree, deciding to ignore the threat Sesshomaru posed just this once. Minutes of surprisingly comfortable silence passed, before Sesshomaru relaxed his posture and closed his eyes.

"..Sesshomaru?"

A narrow golden eye slid open to look at the Hanyou beside him.

"You don't think... we took it a little far with that sick revenge story we wrote, do you?" he asked hesitantly, "I mean don't you think it was a little harsh?"

Sesshomaru snorted in a highly elegant way, making Inuyasha roll his eyes at the Taiyoukai's haughtiness. It was then that Sesshomaru answered, "Harsh... is quite the understatement little brother. I happen to believe we were rather.. _generous_ in our description of Jaken's little puny architecture."

Inuyasha's eyes widened at yet another dick joke uttered from his brother. If their description of Jaken's naked body was what Sesshomaru viewed as 'generous', Inuyasha certainly didn't want to see the little toad without clothing. Though horrified at first, the silver-haired half demon soon burst out into a small laughing fit, drawing an elegant raise of an eyebrow from Sesshomaru. With Inuyasha not shutting up any time soon, Sesshomaru discretely shook his head and allowed his eyes to slide closed once again, enjoying the peacefulness of the nature around and relishing in the cool of the coming night. And ever so slyly, he shifted across the branch ever so slightly and edged closer to Inuyasha, who was still chortling away to himself.

Finally calming down and heaving a heavy sigh of exhaustion, Inuyasha ran a hand through his fluffy mane and swung one leg that was hanging from the branch, tapping the other folded one with his claws. "Aw man.." he chuckled, "You're a funny bastard when you wanna be."

Sesshomaru's eyes glinted in the low light in a curious sheen as he tilted his head to the side. Inuyasha had actually... let his guard down in his presence for the first time. He was.. _laughing _because of something his despised elder brother had said. How incredibly... interesting.

With Inuyasha still pre-occupied with his chuckling, Sesshomaru spoke lowly to him in the silence of the twilight. "You... like this side of me, I take it?"

Inuyasha's laughter quietened at the strange change in tone and he turned us head to look at his brother's face. "Uh.. sure, I guess.. I mean it's better than you tryna slit my throat or skewer my stomach.." he mumbled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head, "Don't get me wrong though, I still think you're a real sarcastic asshole."

With another elegant raise of his eyebrow, Sesshomaru closed his eyes once again and his breathing evened out. "And our little literature session does not change the fact that you are still an infuriating half-breed." he muttered.

A small smile appeared on Inuyasha's face, for reasons unknown to him, and he tucked his arms into his sleeves and he too closed his eyes to relax. The comfortable silence fell over the two once again, as a warm summer breeze blew through the branches of the ancient Goshinboku, filling the two brother's torn by indifference that lay in its branches with contentment.

A contentment that was short-lived by a shrill feminine scream that echoed throughout the entire wood, alarming Inuyasha as he jolted violently on his perch. He raised his head and sniffed, releasing a groan as he rubbed his temples. "Looks like Kagome found what we wrote for her... well shit."

Sesshomaru smirked. "She would be a fool not to appreciate such a fine work of art by her two 'favourite' brothers."

"Maybe you should show it to Jaken," Inuyasha suggested, "I'd pay to see the look on his face when his beloved Lord told him that he and his half-breed brother had written about him sticking that green dick of his into Kagome."

Sesshomaru shook his head a second time before settling back down on the branch, "The day I show Jaken that particular work of mine will be the day I die."

"Well that might come sooner than you think with me on your tail."

"It might... and it might not."

And so the two Inu brothers retired in the branches of the old God Tree, the nocturnal wind whispering in their ears, whilst somewhere nearby was a screaming teenage girl, most likely scarred for life due to the brothers and their vivid imaginations. Kagome only hoped that the contents of the lemon they had miraculously given birth to were in fact a result of their imagination.. and not observations they had recorded of her and Jaken. For the first time, Kagome found herself genuinely feeling sorry for the poor little water imp that was so smitten with the aloof InuTaiyoukai he worshipped.

There were times when being a time traveller had its benefits... and then there were times that it really did not. And this was one of those times it really wasn't.

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- Fin

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><p><strong>Author's Corner<strong>

And there you have it! Not really very yaoiy I know, and there wasn't really that much sexual content other than Inu and Sessh's occasional jokes but y'know! Hope you enjoyed this random little one-shot and please drop some reviews!

~Happy


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